A full heart

Apparently, one ought to blog once a week. Oops.

The Flame Off was last weekend, and even though I didn’t rate the venue because of noise issues during demo’s, it was the Best Ever for me, because there are some really lovely, adorable, sweet, kind, hilarious people to hang out with, they made the trip for me. I had appalling sick making sinus pain over that week, absolute hell, but I felt cared for and part of things, so it was ok in the daytime at least. Nights were dreadful, cold dry air and lying down are a bad combo.

Some years I have left a Flame Off feeling lame and incompetent, lacking in originality, swamped with images of amazing work and the ‘I wish I’d thought of that’ wail in my head, and the disturbance has rattled me for quite a few weeks after, but this year I took something different home with me, a full heart, and that what I do is ok, for now. I would love to do more, and better and more variety, but I live with M.E., I have been awake for 4.5 hours and I feel sleepy already, just when I want to go to work. I’m afraid M.E. wins every time. Curses.

not again!

Hmm…I haven’t made beads for a couple of days and am having withdrawals. Today I decided to be ‘good’ before I rewarded myself with a bead session, as I really do need to get myself a regular income. I began by updating my cv, which doesn’t represent me very well at all. A dry old list of school qualifications and subsequent employment through some difficult years does not reflect who I am today, or what I can offer. I think I can offer a lot, but how to put that on paper?
In the process I managed to give myself another migraine…it was as if Clariss Cliff and Kandinsky had come to play, great colours and shapes where my vision was missing, and then the flashing patterns. Thank God the doctor prescribed tablets to kill the migraine before pain sets in, but of course I had to crash out as a result of taking them. Still, I’m up and about on the same day, which is miraculous, but I do feel as if I’ve lost hours to migraine again, and it’s quite simply due to stress. I’m sure that once I’m earning I won’t be so prone.
When I got up from my restful slumber (accompanied by Cat, as usual) I saw the
Bodyshock programme featuring 31-year-old neurofibromatosis sufferer Huang Chuncai.  It was very touching.
Have I got problems? No!
It baffles me that I need reminding of my good fortune quite so often, gratitude is so important.
Happy Day!
Min X

Migraine

I had migraine today. It sucked.
I cancelled my trip to Glasgow to go to the Art  Fair, which meant having to  tell the person I was going to meet that I couldn’t make it, I hate having to cancel plans. I know the migraine arrived uninvited and there’s nothing I can do about it, but I still felt like a flake. Having sent the message that I wouldn’t be there, I felt able to take a migraine pill and went to bed. There was no way I could take it and then go out because they make me drowsy. Probably that’s the best thing about them. I know pill popping isn’t the answer, but as I lay there contemplating the alternative, which involved sharpened six inch nails and a hammer, I thought it best to take the least messy option. One day I might take inspiration from Frida Kahlo and paint my pains.

Feeling nauseous, I fell asleep. Hurrah. A little while later I woke up because the dogs were barking at the sound of the doorbell, and I heard my husband take in a delivery for me, from Tuffnell Glass.
So, I was lying in bed, feeling horrible, knowing that there was a glass order waiting for me downstairs. Now that is torment! Also, when Tuffnell’s send out an order, there’s usually a sweetie in it somewhere. So I lay in bed wondering what kind of sweet it was, and looking forward to it only fractionally less than the glass.
I’ve got a sample pack of Northstar Precision 104 glass, I’m looking forward to seeing how that works out, I’m likely to be unable to resist giving it a little go this evening. Mind you, I’m having trouble using the computer because of mild tunnel vision, so why I think I’m going to fire up the torch, I don’t know.

I’ve been making lots of new beads, and have even been disciplined enough to make sets. I seem to have found a way to do this successfully, the main aim being to make repeats of beads in size, shape and design. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? I’ve booked a table for the Ayrshire Art & Craft Fair in Troon on 12th July, 9th August, 13th September, and 4th October, so I have to dive into The Shed of Destiny and spend hours playing, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! People ask me if bead making is a ‘hobby’. No, it isn’t. My mum came up with a good word, she’s German, so when I translated it as ‘obsessed’ she said, ‘no, worse than that’, ‘what?’ I asked, astonished, ‘there’s something worse than being obsessed?’ we figured out that the word she was looking for is ‘possessed’, which I think is a fair description. I came to the conclusion many years ago, that when I honour my creative urges, they are my friend and I feel content, and when I ignore them and don’t go with the flow, I am their enemy and feel unhappy. Soon I hope to find work that brings in a regular income, and am quite concerned about how that might impact on my beading time. I’d hate to be rich but unable to follow my heart, I’d rather be poor and able to go into my shed and make glass beads.